i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
she looked like the before picture.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
My bed smells like the plague
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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