Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
