I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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