Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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