then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
