He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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