And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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