What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
