Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
do herpes really smell.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
