its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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