I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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