I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
