He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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