the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It's rum buckets o'clock
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
