ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
