my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I've blown a few things in my day
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
