She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i think i have herpe
just one?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He better not be in your backpack
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
