Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
How's work?
Spinning.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I got inside last night via doggy door
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
