Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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