I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
