i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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