I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
where am i from again
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
