they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Im part way to drunk.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
