nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
