I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
