I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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