We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
