i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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