TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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