i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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