Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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