OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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