He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
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Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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