Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
