Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
