just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
