Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
