I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
