Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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