I want to make a zoo with you.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
