I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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