I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
