We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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