Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I could make wine with my vomit
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
