Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
