I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
