oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Randomize
