my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
