everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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