i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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