one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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